My Uncle Paul passed away this week, Thursday night. The Bannons live back at home home in Canada, Auntie Kim & cousins Jeremy, Matt, and Joanna. I can’t begin to imagine what they are going through right now. To think that they were supposed to be here last week, but then this malignant tumor came and now Uncle Paul is gone… my heart breaks for my cousins.
When it comes to school, there is only a week and a half left of school until the August break. That means only 26 days until I get to go and visit home. Though school here is very “different,” if I hadn’t of come I wouldn’t of met all of the incredible people that I have met.
Where is the balance…? I feel like the high days are the highest they’ve ever been (though there are not many of them) and the low days are so unbelievably low. God? Where are you? I knew moving and being here, life would be like this and I kept saying I wanted to see God and be “tested”… that was literally one of the most retarded things I’ve ever said… because he IS testing now.
My life is literally a rollercoaster right now.. and I know I said I was ready for this, but man, this is hard. A friend of mine, who has been being “tested” from the day she accepted Christ into her life, told me once that she would rather be tested every day then have an easy going life of not being tested because she wants to fight for her Jesus, just as he fought for her. I need to get with the program because this is not going to get any easier any time soon.
I
know this blog post is kind of all over the map, but as I said, I'm trying to
put something into words that isn’t normally put into words. Yes, this is
getting harder, but I want/need to keep fighting every day. We are here, we did move to Africa, and we will
keep fighting day by day. This is real.
Chloe, You are a brave young lady. Yes, a third world country is hard. It truly is beyong imagination. Yet that is where God has called us to serve. You truly have the basics right, don't ask for any more test, they will come when God feels you need them. Following you and your mom's blogs I would say you are doing wonderful with God's test. Just remember how hard you have to study in school before a test. It isn't overnight. And not everyone gets or is capable of 100% or an A. But God know what is just right for you. Without you there who would have taken the night shifts with the babies so your mom could be at the hospital? Who would be able to give your family the comfort that only you can give? Don't let the evil one or the world make you believe anything different!
ReplyDeleteI will keep your whole family in prayer as they grieve the loss of your uncle. Elaine
There's strength in surrender
ReplyDeleteDear Chloe
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing the truth from your heart. God is doing a mighty work in your life. He knows the willingness in your heart to be about His business. The low days are most certainly to be expected, and I think for a you g woman your age you are doing an amazing job as His hands and feet where He has planted you. Take courage and remember all the people that are praying for you and your family. I trust He will strengthen and comfort your heart. Isaiah 41:10 " Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed , for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Chloe, I loved your post, so real, so transparent. God is doing more in you than you see. And it will be worth it, really, one day you will look back and say, wow, God, your intentions toward me really ARE for my deepest good!He is so worth the journey, and especially the really hard roads. I'm very proud of you!!!! hugs, Deitra
ReplyDeleteChloe,
ReplyDeleteGod HAS CHOSEN you and your family for a special job...HE did it because HE knows you can do it! When you are at your lowest, GOD is right there with you, sharing your pain, sorrow, uncertainty...
Rachel's Mimi, Linda Howard
Praying for you, Chloe! I don't believe in the saying "God won't give you anything you can't handle" because we certainly face lots of things we can't handle in this life... but the One who created this whole world will hold you up! Thank you for your honesty. Hang in there, girl!
ReplyDeleteyou are amazing at such a young age to know and understand the testings of God. You are being refined. Your idols of life are being removed from you. let them go so God can use you to the greatest of His desires for you and your life. You are chosen, this is a special assignment. Your entire family has been altered and chosen for greatness in the kingdom work of God our Father. i look forward to watching you grow in this. God's blessings to you and your family.
ReplyDelete