This is real.

    This may have been the hardest week of my life, so far. How do I write about an emotion? No not one, but about a million. If I know that we are supposed to be here in Swaziland, why do I not want to be here? Life back in Georgia was so so so much easier. My small group leader (Alyse Jeffery) was one phone call away along with my small group. My friends were down the street or a couple miles away. School was closer and simpler. Internet was constant and fast. The food was what we were used to. Etc. I knew moving would be hard, and I knew I would have weeks where I missed all of this more than anything I've ever missed, but then you add on the other stuff…

    My Uncle Paul passed away this week, Thursday night. The Bannons live back at home home in Canada, Auntie Kim & cousins Jeremy, Matt, and Joanna. I can’t begin to imagine what they are going through right now. To think that they were supposed to be here last week, but then this malignant tumor came and now Uncle Paul is gone… my heart breaks for my cousins.

    When it comes to school, there is only a week and a half left of school until the August break. That means only 26 days until I get to go and visit home. Though school here is very “different,” if I hadn’t of come I wouldn’t of met all of the incredible people that I have met.

    Where is the balance…? I feel like the high days are the highest they’ve ever been (though there are not many of them) and the low days are so unbelievably low. God? Where are you? I knew moving and being here, life would be like this and I kept saying I wanted to see God and be “tested”… that was literally one of the most retarded things I’ve ever said… because he IS testing now.

    My life is literally a rollercoaster right now.. and I know I said I was ready for this, but man, this is hard. A friend of mine, who has been being “tested” from the day she accepted Christ into her life, told me once that she would rather be tested every day then have an easy going life of not being tested because she wants to fight for her Jesus, just as he fought for her. I need to get with the program because this is not going to get any easier any time soon.

     I know this blog post is kind of all over the map, but as I said, I'm trying to put something into words that isn’t normally put into words. Yes, this is getting harder, but I want/need to keep fighting every day. We are here, we did move to Africa, and we will keep fighting day by day. This is real.